The Cunning of the Adult Supremacist
/Here’s a short narrative that’s based on a common true story;
Imagine you’re sitting at home, enjoying your own company. You’re playing your favorite game on your phone while replying to texts as they come in. You’re comfortable and enjoying the free moments you have available to you. Suddenly, someone walks up to you and demands that you stand up, physically grabs your phone away from you, and orders you to change your clothes to go outside as you will be going on a trip. Naturally, questions come to mind; who is this person? Why do I need to listen to them? Where are you going? How long will the trip be? You attempt to ask questions while in protest and annoyance as you are really enjoying yourself. The individual is rude and commands you to comply with intimidation. You speak up for yourself… “who are you to talk to me that way!?” You proclaim. The individual literally grabs you and forces you out of your space of comfort and with a threatening tone in their voice, along with tense and tightening grip on your arm, “shut up and listen!” They demand. You then realize how much physically stronger they are than you, how easy it is for them physically harm you if they wanted to. Shocked and bewildered you decide to comply while mentally searching for ideas to address this stressful situation… you don’t want to go anywhere. The individual now starts to get impatient and instructs you to hurry. With little control you currently have in this situation, you resist by taking your time, finding an excuse that you’re looking for your cell phone charger. You know where it is, however, by pretending to look for it gives you some minuscule sense of control. By this time, the individual loses their patience and grabs you and hauls you to the exit of your space. They then physically put your shoes one and carries you outside to the vehicle. You say you need your cell phone charger and it will only take a second to retrieve it. Your request is ignored and denied, it’s as if the individual didn’t even hear you. At this point you’re so upset, you feel violated, you squirm to fight back and even hit this person on the back. They react by squeeze you harder and yelling in your face, “Shut up! And COMPLY!!” Your arms are hurt and you feel like crying. You resist the urge to show your emotions as you are carried out. You find there is a designated spot for you sit in the vehicle with straps that bind your shoulders and feet to the seat. You’re forced into the seat and strapped in, movement is restricted. You are given a bottle of water and some granola bars, however, you can’t reach them because of the restrictions of the seat. It’s not comfortable. You ask for your phone back which they agree to provide you. The trip is long, tiring, and you constantly need to ask the person to grab the water for you because it’s out of your reach. They become so annoyed and irritated by your constant requests they tell you to be quiet for the remainder of the trip. They are annoyed by your presence and behave as though you are an inconvenience.
Art by Colby Tootoosis, 2020
If this specific narrative happened to me today, I would have feelings of annoyance, rage, disgust, anger, fear, shock, confusion, unworthiness, inadequacy, shame. Along with those, the feelings of being unloved, minimized, devalued, shutdown, incompetent, and depressed would also come up. How would you feel if you lived or experienced this narrative today? Maybe some of you have experienced some aspects of this narrative at some point in your life. Whether it was in an abusive relationship, experiencing on-going attempts of colonialism, or living under an oppressive government regime run by a tyrant dictator.
The reality is, children live in the midst of adult supremacy and will often experience this narrative along with the emotions that come with it almost every day of their lives. Adult supremacy is the worldview that children are inferior, adults are superior, and that children must comply to adult expectations and environments. Children are among the most oppressed human beings in the world. The normalization of this oppression has led to the social acceptance of the dehumanization of children.
As Indigenous peoples, adult supremacy was introduced to our family systems through attempts of genocide and colonialization via residential schools. Priests, Nuns, and colonizers perceived Original peoples to the lands as sub-human and Indigenous children as the lowest of the low. Abuse of all forms, trauma, torture, and death were among the experiences facilitated by the structure of residential schools.
Though many tribal peoples had different protocols, creation stories, and ways of doing things prior to colonialism, many Indigenous peoples had a mutual, spiritual lens in how they perceived children. Specifically, children are gifts from the creator and that it is the responsibility of the parents and family, who were gifted a child from the Creator, to do everything in their ability to ensure the child was safe, taken care of and supported until the child reached maturity. Children truly lived as children, and everyone within a community took on the role of ensuring the safety and well-being of all children regardless of connection or relation. The community was a safe place for children to be children. It was safe for children to learn, to make mistakes, to explore who they were, to interact, and to observe and witness how things were done. Children were mentored as they developed their individuality and personalities. Their attempts of creativity, problem-solving, and companioned autonomy were all fully endorsed and embraced. They were groomed for community roles based on their developed traits, character, and natural gifts. Children were loved.
Even though there are some people who still perceive children from this lens, the structure of residential schools still attempted to disrupt our spiritual worldview towards them. Adult supremacy is an insidious social parasite that has infiltrated our communities and family systems. No Indigenous family who has been either directly or in-directly affected by residential school, is an exception to its impacts. These continued attempts of colonialism, oppression, and genocide have had intricate impacts on our collective psyche. It is very likely that you interact with the children in your life from the same mentality and approach that priests and nuns have interacted with our relatives during residential schools – from a place of superiority. I have had to do my own reflection and ask the question; Am I contributing to these on-going attempts of dehumanization? Am I an adult supremacist? If not, am I contributing to change and liberation within myself, family, and community? Am I encouraging the liberation of children? Or am I inhibiting it?
This piece will examine what adult supremacy looks like in the modern Indigenous family system while also providing remedies for kinship liberation. It’s important to note that this will come from the influence of growing up on Poundmaker Cree Nation among kinship that has maintained cultural practices to the best of their ability. A key point from this influence is the affirmation that our worldview defines a human being as one whose life cycle consists of four stages; Child, Young Adult, Adult, and Elder. This view isn’t from a lens of segregation of stages of life, rather, entangled milestones that are significant to human experience. It’s not about perceiving any of these stages of development as being superior over another. There is no child supremacy, youth supremacy, adult supremacy, or elder supremacy in this worldview. Human supremacy is a foreign concept. It’s about understanding that each stage is a vital contribution to multi-generational Indigenous governance systems, which are entangled with the land and all of Life. When I describe restoring humanity in children, or the liberation of the humanity within children, I am coming from the place of affirming the Life force that exists within them - that is directly connected to the Creator, the land, and all that Life is. There are many contributing systems and structures that aim to oppress children by design. Yet the glue that maintains these systems and structures is the abstract concept and toxic opinion; “children are inferior”.
Adult Supremacy vs Liberation
Today, children are among the most regulated members of a Nation. Almost every aspect of their life is controlled, regulated, managed, scheduled and oppressed. Everything from what they do, how they do it, how they play, when they play, what they say, how they say it, when they go to the bathroom, what they wear, what they feel, and when they feel it. The adult supremacist attempts to control and manipulate child behavior using rewards and punishments. Such as, when a child is in compliance to the expectations and standards of adults they are rewarded. These rewards can be candy, treats, toys, or privileges such as access to more playtime. Contrastingly, a child who is not in compliance to the expectations and standards of adults is punished. These punishments often administer fear and shame through the utilization of threats, intimidation, ultimatums, being yelled at, and physical restraints. The adult supremacist states that an obedient child is a “good child”. However, when childhood experiences are minimized, devalued, and not considered, they become disengaged, and withdraw, from life both personally and communally - leading to a disconnection between children and adults which then creates and reinforces toxic dynamics both within the family structure and community. These toxicities then affect Indigenous leadership in the midst of colonialism, and seep into Indigenous Nationhood projects and collective endeavours.
What children are going through today will determine who Nations become. What the children in your life are going through today, will determine what your grandchildren will experience. When children are continuously shamed, intimidated, oppressed, and dehumanized, they become conditioned to accept their circumstance as normal. This toxic definition of normalcy becomes inter-generationally ingrained in adult to child relationships leading to a cycle of imbalance and disfunction. The oppression of children creates future oppressive and toxic leadership. The liberation of children along with the support and acceptance of all stages of human development are vital for the strengthening and resurgence of Indigenous Governance that is aligned with Life and the Land. The liberation of children, leads to future liberation-based leadership.
Alternatively, to the Adult Supremacist, who strives for superiority and control over children, the Liberationist strives to advocate and mentor children from a lens of empathy and truth. Having a liberation mindset is key in having an authentic and supportive connections with children. A liberation mindset consists of having a devotional practice in the acceptance and welcoming of life’s unfavourable circumstances and traumas. This must include the willingness to explore practical approaches and methods to move through those circumstances and traumas with the intention for personal liberation. A liberation mindset provides the clarity and leverage to be proactive, and consciously responsive to support children and young people, especially when they are faced with their own circumstances and traumas. We can’t prevent or stop children and young people from experiencing all what life is, nor can we control how they react and respond to life – we can, however, provide practical tools they can apply in their life so they can move through life’s challenges in a way that supports their personal growth. One of the greatest gifts’ children can receive from healthy adults is the opportunity to witness problem-solving, self-responsibility, and the admittance of weakness and shame from a place of love and vigilance. The vulnerability of adults reaffirms the reality children and young people exist in, so that they can also accept their own vulnerability. When people willingly provide attention and interest to children – while also valuing and considering childhood experiences – children become emotionally expressive and will feel safe to communicate those emotions in a healthy way. This allows a deeper connection to be established from a place of empathy and truth. Human beings thrive in truth. The communication of truth, both verbally and in action, is necessary for childhood development. When we create and hold space to accept children, and accept where they are at in their development, while encouraging them to explore who they are, liberation ripples out from our families, our communities and collective leadership practices. Which then provides the leverage for Indigenous governance projects and land-based practices to flourish and expand multi-generationally. The liberation within childhood will be reflective of the liberation within our Nations.
The Cunning of the Adult Supremacist
An adult supremacist can be any adult that is in the vicinity of children. These can be Parents, Care-Givers, Child and Family Service Workers, Teachers, Chaperones, Youth Workers, Wellness Workers, Therapists, Front-Line workers, Conference and Workshop Presenters, Governance Administrators, Chiefs and Councils, Aunties, Uncles, Grand-Parents, and older siblings of any age who are growing up in an adult supremacist environment. I debated on using the term ‘adult supremacist’ since older children or youth can mimic adult behaviour, especially if they are growing up in an adult supremacist environment. Regardless, I’ve conceded to the adult supremacist term.
The adult supremacist was likely raised in an environment of adult supremacy. They were denied the opportunity to play, enjoy, to be expressive and creative. They survived trauma, they prevailed through adversity, they have been resilient in the midst of shame, and they are alive today because their choices and behaviors have worked for them. Human beings will only do what they know and what they can get away with. If adults only know adult supremacy, and they can get away with it, they will continue to maintain a toxic cycle of oppressing children.
Adult supremacy is tyranny that can be so insidious, many people likely enact supremacist behaviours towards children without realizing it. Adults become distracted and/or overwhelmed with social responsibilities, and their energy and focus often becomes drained or limited. They become triggered, impatient, frustrated, agitated, snappy, annoyed when they are around children. The adult supremacist is one who projects their stress and emotional pain onto children. The reality is, children are not and should never be responsible for the emotional well-being of any adult. This isn’t about denying or avoiding emotional stresses around children. It’s about the vigilance of moving through stresses, pains, and triggers from a place of personal responsibility so children can witness and experience healthy ways of moving through life’s tumultuous moments from a healthy, and clearer place. However, many of us will collapse into unhealthy behaviors, many of us will collapse into projecting our emotional pain onto others, which may include the children of our lives. This isn’t about striving for personal perfection. It’s about the practice of personal growth, liberation and engaged connections with life around us. From an Indigenous lens, children are so divine, it’s as if they are designed to not take things personally. They’re naturally resilient, open, willing to learn and experience outcomes and consequences of their choices in lives. Adult supremacy is a joke to children, they perceive adults using their physical strength or power over them as a game – until the adult crosses the line and over steps the child’s spiritual autonomy. When there is a constant, daily, exposure to toxic adulthood, the projection of adult pain, and the shaming - a child’s light becomes diminished, and they begin to disengage and withdraw. If you want good, obedient children; Shame them. If you want children who will lead and liberate our Nations; Protect and affirm the humanity and spirit within them.
Any human being would appreciate opportunities to create memories that would support their development and growth. The adult supremacist steals away these opportunities and replaces them with toxicity and oppression - enforcing children to accommodate adult timelines, environments and expectations. While also depriving children of essential experiences and moments that are necessary for their evolution and growth. Children no longer strive to be creative when they become conditioned to be obedient to who they perceive as authority. When there is a shutdown of creativity, there is a shutdown of problem-solving. This then conditions a human being to be dependent on who is perceived as an authority. How can children grow up to be leaders when they are shamed, oppressed, threatened and intimidated into obedience? How can the collective peoples follow or chose leaders when they themselves, have also been raised in adult supremacist environments? Post-residential school, and the continued impacts of colonial attempts, are robbing the greatness and liberation of our collective by influencing how we are interacting and engaging with the children in our lives.
Liberation and Restoration of Humanity
The adult supremacist will justify, rationalize, and defend their assumed superiority and authority over children. If we want to create momentum in the direction of multi-generational liberation, we need to unlearn how we relate and engage with the children in our lives.
A simple approach is to relate to children like how you would relate to any other human being. What if children are equal? What if children are valuable regardless of where they are in their development? What if children can contribute to adult environments, ideas, and plans? What if children can creatively present solutions to problems?
When you are relating to someone, and they are not respectful, or they minimized you and/or fail to provide you any attention and interest, how would that feel? If you love and appreciate someone, a friend, a lover, a partner, wouldn’t you want them to provide you attention and interest in who you are and what you doing? Children are no different, they love their family and they express it by providing attention and interest to them. Respect is reciprocal. Adults’ need to provide respect to children and young people if they want it in return.
Hypocritical relationships are among the most toxic dynamics that exist within our kinship systems. Adults can easily collapse into hypocritical dynamics in their relationships with children. They expect children to behave a certain way, and yet they do that same behavior they expect children not to do. People telling young people not to drink or do drugs while they are doing that same behaviour isn’t working. Adults can’t expect children to become what they are not practicing themselves. Children will learn the values, morals, and principles of our people when they experience and witness those that they love, embody and apply them.
What if children took the lead in your life? What if they had some say in daily plans and routines? When we accommodate children in where they are at in their development by providing the opportunity to take the lead, their greatness becomes explored and revealed. They experience and learn life’s challenges and problems. They begin to explore methods of problem-solving, they ask for help, they seek insights and guidance. Children can take a turn in leading and setting the pace in our shared lives. Much like any human being, when there is a respectable ‘pace and lead’ relationship with appropriate communication, children begin to thrive in their authenticity.
Protecting, Serving, Mindfulness
Children are innately brilliant and creative. Adult supremacy robs them of their brilliance and creativity. The indoctrination of adult supremacy via residential schools and the attempts of colonialism and genocide have had detrimental effects on our kinship systems and community. When children become conditioned to comply too who they perceive as an authority, they become adults who are compliant to authority. For Indigenous peoples, this takes the form of obedience to colonial rule, agenda’s, and regulations. This continued indoctrination through current colonial institutions and systems robs our Nations from the potential of who we can become. It’s vital that every one of us, regardless of which stage of development we are at, take necessary steps to shift how we relate to the children of our Nations. There is collective greatness that resides within kinships. The more we do our work that rids us of our traumas and issues, the more liberation and greatness becomes revealed in coming generations. When we do our work, we obtain leverage that provides a flexibility to flow with the constant changes in the development of children. As a father, it’s not necessarily about me. It’s about asking, what quality of life will my great grandchildren’s children and beyond experience? And how can I have an impact in those experiences by making choices in who I am today?